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Asking for Help is So Hard Sometimes
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I have been diabetic a very long time. When I was first diagnosed, my mom and dad helped me with shots and tests for the first year. After that they were not involved other than shopping for food for me, they believed it was my job to manage the disease. This was a blessing and a curse all at the same time for me. I get that they were trying to teach me to be independent and be able to manage diabetes by myself but it made it very difficult for me to ask for help when I needed it. Over the years I never asked anyone to help me, even when I really needed help.
Fast forward to about two and a half years ago. Not taking care of my diabetes finally caught up with me and I became seriously ill. My poor husband wanted to help me get control of my diabetes and I pushed him away, telling him "I can do this, I don't need your help!" He watched me struggle to get control of testing, eating, and shifting my diabetes care focus. And he stood by me, ready to help with anything at all if I would just ask. But I didn't ask. Then I got the pump. He learned how it worked, read all the documentation, and gave me the space I demanded since I wanted to do it all by myself. I guess I hadn't realized that my diabetes was a family issue, it didn't just belong to me.
When I got the DexCom last spring, once again I didn't want any help. I could master this on my own. My husband watched helplessly as I got angry over pump and CGMS issues, biting his tongue and letting me rant. A few months ago I was reading some old blog posts of Kerri's over at Six Until Me. She had pictures of her DexCom sensor in her arm and she said her husband helped her put them there. My poor abdomen needed a rest from sensors so I decided it was time to ask for help. I asked my hubby to put a sensor on my arm for me. I think he understood how hard it was for me to ask for help.
So the first attempt at my hubby putting a sensor into my arm didn't go well. He was nervous, I was really impatient and kind of mean to him. Don't get me wrong, the sensor worked fine but I was terrible to him! We don't fight often but we did fight that day. I thought alot about why I was so angry with him when he didn't do anything wrong. That is when I realized how hard it was for me to ask for help. We talked it out and I promised the next time I would be aware of my behavior. So yesterday we tried it again and guess what? When I relaxed and just let him help me, the sensor insertion went fine! I thanked him for being patient with me and understanding. I am starting to get how much my diabetes is part of his life too.
So do you find it hard to ask for help? Do you get angry sometimes? I would love to get your feedback!
You can be 1happydiabetic too, it's all about your attitude!
Suzanne
Categories: Living With Diabetes, Relationships, Family Members
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7 Comments
I have been Type 1 for 43 years and until I was in highschool, my mother did my shot/shots every day, as I never could get enough nerve to do it and of course there were no bgs meters back then. When I got married I was on two shots a day and still struggled giving myself a shot, when I went to MDI and two shots of Lantus a day, I finally taught my hubby so he could do them in my arse. To this day I don't think anyone could test my bgs or really gets my struggle and having been on the pump for 7 years. When I went on the CGMS I thought it would be the cure all and of course it bothered me even more and it bothers me that people think that now that I am on the pump I am cured, grrrrr. So no I don't ask for help, cause I just don't feel they get it or want to get it. 43 years and relatively complication free, people think it is no big deal.
I was uninsured, and unable to afford my insulin...and ended up in the hospital because I couldn't ask for help. Asking for help is really difficult for me - just one of my character flaws, I guess.
While in the hospital, my loved ones made me promise to ask for help if I needed it.
I'm very well controlled, I've taken the almost obsessive route according to my doctor - I test up to 10 times a day (normally 6 or 7), I inject heaps too and I keep a close eye on things. This works for me - it gives me the freedom to live my life as if I don't have anything wrong with my pancreas. I read forums / blogs / web sites to learn tricks about control - and that sort of help is easy to accept! However it means I know more about diabetes than the average doctor or even my endo, so when they offer advice I raise an eyebrow and store it in the 'yeh right' part of my brain.
My family are totally ignorant about diabetes, so if they offer help or advice I nod and smile but never take it on. I've become accustomed to ignoring what other people suggest and I'm totally doing it my way.
That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's made me very much a loner in dealing with my D. I don't want anyone's help, ever, and I'm not sure how I'd cope if I ever actually *needed* help from someone. Thankfully with my tight control it's unlikely to happen any time soon - but diabetes isn't that predictable, is it?
But is Diabetes predictable? I think we all want to say yes. And I think some if not most of my diabetes is predictable. The times that are not predictable are the ones that frustrate me. Like this Thanksgiving I did all the right things, ate less, counted carbs correctly... but I ended up having a blocked infusion set for my pump and my BGs were High all day.
I think those types of problems are some of the hardest because you can't ask for help when "you don't know what the problem is"
Like Mike I was uninsured for awhile and I never asked for help like I should have. I was too "proud" to ask for sample bottles of insulin and test strips, instead racking up hundreds of dollars each month on supplies.
Help.... another four letter word that doesn't come out of my mouth often, and it should.
He also changed his behavior and became more involved. Once I finally opened up to him and showed him that I need help sometimes, I now inject in public and he is my bodyguard incase someone thinks it isn't appropriate. I now just need to ask and he will get me help for my lows. I now just need to say "I don't feel good" and he will test my BG for me.
Not to say that I don't take care of myself anymore, but now that he and I are both on the same page, I can communicate easier with him and he usually knows what to do. I also no longer find it offensive when he asks me "Is your sugar okay?" That used to piss me off wicked bad. but, now, I know he's trying to help and I welcome it.
it really has made my life easier.
That, and it has brought us closer together. Now that he is more involved in my diabetes, he understands that it's difficult. We celebrate my good numbers and work through my "bad" ones. It's really freeing to have a true partner. Takes the weight off of my shoulders.
It was really scary to open up like that at first. I've had my share of diabetes police in my life, but I trusted that he wasn't going to police me... and he doesn't- for the most part. haha. Sometimes I understand that he can't help it and that's ok w me too.
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